The last couple of weeks have been odd, fun, but odd. After
discovering that my wife and I were pregnant (she’s pregnant, I’m to blame)
I’ve spent many times thinking about how I’m going to be a father as I had a
cigarette. Then I remembered I have to quit smoking. I like smoking, makes me
look cool.
To catch up, we found out that the mother-to-be was a
mother-to-be on week 4. Of course my reaction of “that’s so fucked up” wasn’t
what she was expecting, but it’s the words I have said to myself. Not because I
wasn’t happy, it’s because it’s fucked up. I’m going to be a father. A
man-child is going to be a father to a child-child. I still read comic books
and occasionally put on a Batman cowl just because I can.
We didn’t tell a lot of people, just close family members
and friends. As the weeks creep up to week 12, which apparently is the “safe
zone” I’ve had to hold back from screaming “ GAH! I’M GOING TO BE A FATHER!!!”
to random strangers who are just enjoying their coffee. JUST IN CASE.
And the JUST IN CASE part is the scariest part. My whole
life I was worried about having kids, because I was young and full of sugar and
love and being the stud that I am. The idea of even having a kid was
mind-boggling, but as I get older and realize that every adult is lost and
confused and I’m just joining everyone in this whole adult thang I’ve realized
that I have to just jump in and hope for the best.
Telling a best friend/brother/lover is a good thing to do in
my opinion because you and the wife can only say so much to each other. When
she asks “what do you want to name the baby” and you respond with “ Sir
Williams the third” it won’t be as readily accepted as if you told you best
friend/brother/lover who will then praise you with a high five over the name
and suggest “Bill the Third” for short. Bill it is.
Most people don’t tell anyone until after the first
trimester, and before this whole thing started, I didn’t even understand what a
trimester was. But 12 weeks is the end of the first trimester when your embryo becomes
a fetus. Thankfully I’m sort of a guy and all I have to do is keep my mouth
shut from coworkers and friends because I’m still smoking and being an idiot
while my wife has to hold back throwing up at every second.
Speaking of which, although I’m still all peachy and calm,
my wife is a different story. Not being able to drink coffee, wine, and the
occasional cigarette and telling me she’s feeling sad and not knowing why (Cold
Play’s The Scientist was playing on Much Music in the background). This is where
I’m a Viking. She’s going through the changes, body, boob size, emotions, nauseous
and sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. So what do I do? Hell if I know. I do what I
do when trying to figure anything out. Google it!
Googling “tips for fathers-to be” bring up results that blew
my mind. “Help around the kitchen, do laundry once in a while, give her a day
off, etc.” It didn’t blow my mind at the amount of stuff to do; it blew my mind
because I already do that. I like to cook and make my own portions. I do the
laundry because I like the smell of Tide and sleep, her day off is my day off.
I can’t be the only guy that does these things, and I know I’m not as when I’m
in the Laundromat I just see other guys like we lost a war. Did we lose a war?
Was I not informed?
What this tells me is that those “tips for fathers” must be
updated. I tried reading from perspectives of other fathers-to-be like http://www.ironycentral.com/archives/babyvol/babyvol3.html
. And I really enjoyed the read and it actually inspired me to start writing
this. However most websites give you information of how to deal with the baby
when it’s born, not what to expect or what should happen during the weeks of.
That’s what I’m doing. Hoping that when you google “tips for fathers-to-be” this
will come up and tell you that freaking out is normal, doing the laundry is
normal and dressing up like Batman is completely normal.
What’s not normal is going for doctor’s appointments
together, telling family and friends that you’re going to be a father and
looking up birthing videos on your free time instead of playing The Wolf Among
Us. That’s not normal at all, but it will happen and eventually will become
normal. Instead of reading Cracked articles you’ll read baby stuff and baby
news and baby stuff followed by more baby-related stuff. Although as of now none of it feels real yet
because, to be honest, a stick that has this “+” doesn’t really make you feel
connected. It’s a surreal feeling until the Ultrasound. That will be coming up
soon. Real Soon. Like, two weeks soon.
Now that you’re all caught up get ready to join me on my
journey to becoming a father. Fucked up right?
